Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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