I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize