he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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