thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
