dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
