I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
