when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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