i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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