I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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