Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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