How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize