I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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