Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
