so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
