did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
