proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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