ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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