Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Send help, water and tortillas.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
