He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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