I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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