As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
