shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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