how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
