If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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