Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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