How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize