i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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