Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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