Apparently you make a good broom.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
