I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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