When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is my gift to your gina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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