Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
