I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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