You're my little dorito
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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