we're chasing vodka with high fives
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize