i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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