well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
