So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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