Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
