You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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