so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
