lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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