i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
