yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
