This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
