I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize