you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
