My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
