I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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