look no pants
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
