i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
