no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
