i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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