I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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