Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
