on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
