i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
