what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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