This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize