i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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