Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
