I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
