I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
