I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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