I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The struggles of a small town man whore
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
