I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
