I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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