wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
