i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sex in a hospital.. check
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
