I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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