careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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