turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
