I accidentally burped into my bong.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
