God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
