Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize