he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
