my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
