Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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