I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
