Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
