i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
