I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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