so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
